, originally uploaded by benzismama.
Since I started putting pressure on myself to become a professional photographer, I've shut down creatively. I haven't even picked up my camera in days. I've gotten so stuck on my lack of technical skill and knowledge and profit, that I've just stopped taking pictures. I've stopped wanting to take pictures because what's the point? My photography is amateur and flawed and I don't have money to invest in better lenses and and and.......
I realize now what's going on here. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I'm not good enough, nobody looks at my work anyway, and I'm losing money on this, so why bother.
This isn't good. Not good at all.
I love photography. I'm an artist at heart. When it comes from my heart, it's good. When I do it for the pure joy of it, it's good. When I stop putting pressure on myself to make money, it comes to me. It finds me.
My sister said something to me a few weeks ago when I was really struggling with my future. She said "You are a photographer, Tracie. It doesn't matter if you decide to become a nurse or a teacher or whatever, you will always be a photographer. It will always come bubbling up to the surface because it's who you are. You can have both."
I never thought of it that way. I've always seen Success or Failure.
The thing about photography is that anybody can take a good picture. Anybody can buy a D-SLR and the best lenses and other equipment available. Anybody can learn everything there is to know about white balance and aperture and shutter speed and make great pictures and make money doing it.
It's about so much more than those things to me. It always has been and that's really why I was never in any hurry to learn the technical stuff. I'm an artist. I don't have to color in the lines. I can make money with other parts of my brain.
This is for me. If it touches other people, that's nice, too.