Sunday, March 8, 2009

My own aha! moment

, originally uploaded by benzismama.

Since I started putting pressure on myself to become a professional photographer, I've shut down creatively. I haven't even picked up my camera in days. I've gotten so stuck on my lack of technical skill and knowledge and profit, that I've just stopped taking pictures. I've stopped wanting to take pictures because what's the point? My photography is amateur and flawed and I don't have money to invest in better lenses and and and.......
I realize now what's going on here. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I'm not good enough, nobody looks at my work anyway, and I'm losing money on this, so why bother.
This isn't good. Not good at all.
I love photography. I'm an artist at heart. When it comes from my heart, it's good. When I do it for the pure joy of it, it's good. When I stop putting pressure on myself to make money, it comes to me. It finds me.
My sister said something to me a few weeks ago when I was really struggling with my future. She said "You are a photographer, Tracie. It doesn't matter if you decide to become a nurse or a teacher or whatever, you will always be a photographer. It will always come bubbling up to the surface because it's who you are. You can have both."
I never thought of it that way. I've always seen Success or Failure.
The thing about photography is that anybody can take a good picture. Anybody can buy a D-SLR and the best lenses and other equipment available. Anybody can learn everything there is to know about white balance and aperture and shutter speed and make great pictures and make money doing it.
It's about so much more than those things to me. It always has been and that's really why I was never in any hurry to learn the technical stuff. I'm an artist. I don't have to color in the lines. I can make money with other parts of my brain.
This is for me. If it touches other people, that's nice, too.


Lauramamadoula said...

I agree with your sister =) you will always have this talent, regardless of what you use to make money. you will always have a natural eye for it, even without proper lenses or equipment. it's a gift from God - a talent.

art starts with the artist - NOT the equipment!!

and yes good equipment makes all the difference in some ways... but if it's making you THAT much better of any artist, then I would question how good you were to begin with LOL

even *I* am a great photographer when I use Sean's fancy pants stuff and photoshop!!

You're a natural, as they say!

Tootightponytailgirl said...

I can soooo relate to this post. This is part of the reason that I decided to get a paying job. Because I was feeling this pressure to make money at my art. Msaking stuff to sell vs. making stuff from my heart are really two different things. So now I have a job to make money at and art is my playground.

I can just play and honor where I am at in my own artistic development.

Your photos are beautiful. Never stop expressing your heart in this way. The joy just seeps through.

Alissa said...

Beautiful! And yes, you are an artist!

Brené said...

I'm so with you. Beautiful post!

Brené said...

oh yeah. and sometimes I open up my laptop and play your awesome playlist while i'm making breakfast for the kids-grin.